Wow! It’s been that long since I wrote…I have been on a journey.
3 yeats ago, my perfectly planned life was picked up, shaken and turned upside down. I confided in people that I knew love me and they told me that I have to “move on.” Well, I have been trying to move on since then… And I tried to follow the steps that I discussed in my last post on “letting go.”
It took me about a year to let go…
Yes! I kept believing in the good… I kept believing that I am a good person.This is just a temporary turbulence. Many got frustrated with me in this stage. To be honest with you, I am glad I still went through it because I now have a long list of “why I cannot go back to where I was.” I also saw the fighter in me because I had to fight so hard to let go and be free.
Thinking back, I was arrogant as well. Seriously! Why did I think that I was too good to be hurt? especially when I hurt myself (mentally and emotionally) constantly. Let’s just say I was humbled when I found reason again.
Those who know me will testify that I have no problem expressing my pain and my responsibility. That part was already something that I have been practicing for years.
I agree with this…
I made peace with that voice inside me that keeps reminding me that it was somehow my fault. I thought that I was nice and honest so nothing bad will ever happen to me. I now stare at my mistakes and acknowledge them. And part of self-love is remembering that it is OK! Because it was a mistake, and people make mistakes all the time.
So I took responsibility and accepted that I was doing many wrong things which led me to rock bottom. Luckily, I am being offered the chance to get up again and start over.
“Reason lost the battle, and all I could do was surrender and accept I was in love.”
― Paulo Coelho
I fell in love with me again, my sweet, beating kind heart. I fell in love with my weakness and my resistance to hatred and revenge. I fell in love with my creator and all the little miracles in my life that I have missed for so long. Simply and purely, I found love, true, raw and painful love.Because I chose LOVE.
As a result, I found it easy to forgive… It is easier to move, laugh, cry because I found real love.
So when you find yourself in a place where there is a need to move on, I suggest that you stop paying so much attention to the outside ( the person (s), the thing (s) or entity) that is hurting you and making you feel like you need to move on. I suggest that you make peace with “what is”, acknowledge it, greet is and have a conversation with it.
Then find love… Not necessarily in someone else or something else. But in yourself. Find love in that voice inside you and it will stop whispering and start shouting.
If you like reading, you might want to check out the book When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön
“The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.”
― Pema Chödrön
Have you moved on lately or are you moving on? If yes, what helped you?