Moving on…

Wow! It’s been that long since I wrote…I have been on a journey.

3 yeats ago, my perfectly planned life was picked up, shaken and turned upside down. I confided in people that I knew love me and they told me that I have to “move on.” Well, I have been trying to move on since then… And I tried to follow the steps that I discussed in my last post on “letting go.”

It took me about a year to let go…

Let-Go
Found here

Yes! I kept believing in the good… I kept believing that I am a good person.This is just a temporary turbulence. Many got frustrated with me in this stage. To be honest with you, I am glad I still went through it because I now have a long list of “why I cannot go back to where I was.” I also saw the fighter in me because I had to fight so hard to let go and be free.

Thinking back, I was arrogant as well. Seriously! Why did I think that I was too good to be hurt? especially when I hurt myself (mentally and emotionally) constantly. Let’s just say I was humbled when I found reason again.

 

Those who know me will testify that I have no problem expressing my pain and my responsibility. That part was already something that I have been practicing for years.

I agree with this…

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Found here

I made peace with that voice inside me that keeps reminding me that it was somehow my fault. I thought that I was nice and honest so nothing bad will ever happen to me. I now stare at my mistakes and acknowledge them. And part of self-love is remembering that it is OK! Because it was a mistake, and people make mistakes all the time.

So I took responsibility and accepted that I was doing many wrong things which led me to rock bottom. Luckily, I am being offered the chance to get up again and start over.

“Reason lost the battle, and all I could do was surrender and accept I was in love.”
Paulo Coelho

I fell in love with me again, my sweet, beating kind heart. I fell in love with my weakness and my resistance to hatred and revenge. I fell in love with my creator and all the little miracles in my life that I have missed for so long. Simply and purely, I found love, true, raw and painful love.Because I chose LOVE.

As a result, I found it easy to forgive… It is easier to move, laugh, cry because I found real love.

So when you find yourself in a place where there is a need to move on, I suggest that you stop paying so much attention to the outside ( the person (s), the thing (s) or entity) that is hurting you and making you feel like you need to move on. I suggest that you make peace with “what is”,  acknowledge it, greet is and have a conversation with it.

Then find love… Not necessarily in someone else or something else. But in yourself.  Find love in that voice inside you and it will stop whispering and start shouting.

If you like reading, you might want to check out the book When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön

“The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.”
Pema Chödrön

Have you moved on lately or are you moving on? If yes, what helped you?

 

Letting go…

Hello friends,

Ever experienced that moment when you feel like you are stuck and lost? We all different ways of reacting to such a feeling. Some people get upset, bitter and angry. Others get sick and depressed. Others become reckless, take risk, “live life to the fullest.”

Found here
Found here

I choose to be happy, I chose to move on, let go of the negative thoughts and feelings, cherish the positive thoughts and great memories and cherish what I have right this moment. I like to learn from others so I read others on how they think one could let go. In Learning to Let Go of Past Hurts: 5 Ways to Move On Dr. Grohol gives, in my opinion, doable steps.

  1. Make the decision to let it go
Found here
Found here

This is the hardest stage I think. We always have this hope that something is going to change. A miracle, the other person: your boss, your ex (whoever it is that hurt you so bad) will have an epiphany and they will come back. And when they do, we will either make them suffer and beg for our forgiveness or we will have that final opportunity to say “no!” No one will make this decision for you but you will be thankful to yourself that you decided to let it go!

2. Express your pain and your responsibility

Found here
Found here

It’s OK to cry, and show vulnerability. I personally cannot hold things inside. It ends up being poisonous so I talk about it when I find the opportunity. Dr. Grohol suggest writing a letter that you never send, that is an idea too.

Expressing my responsibility is hard but I do it anyway not to beat myself up for my mistakes but to learn and to grow.

3. Stop being the victim and blaming others:

Found Here
Found Here

“No amount of rumination of analyses have ever fixed a relationship problem. Never. Not in the entirety of the world’s history. So why choose to engage in so much thought and devote so much energy to a person who you feel has wronged you?” Dr. Grohol

4.Focus on the present

Found Here
Found Here

5. Forgive them and yourself

Found Here
Found Here

Happy new year!

Welcome 2015!

2014 has been a roller coaster for me. I went through life changing events and I feel like I am stronger but also so cautious about everything I do or say.

Every end of the year, I do take time to reflect on how I spent my year, whether I improved or took a few steps back. Then I remind myself that If I failed, it is okay, it is also proof that I tried. In 2014, I was loved and cherished. Many people in my life made gestures that confirmed to me that I am a good person and I am surrounded by good people. I also welcomed a new member in my family, the love of my life and my source of joy. I also lost someone that I did not learn to love and appreciate until very recently: my uncle. I find comfort in the fact that I had the privilege to experience his genuine love. My uncle also inspired me to never settle for less than what I want regardless of the difficulties. It is selfish to wish that he was here but I know that he is resting wherever he is and effectively being the angel that he has always been.

That is the summary of my year. I found a good outline of how to make the end of the year reflections and thought I should share.

Found here
Found here

An now, I would like to wish you a very happy new year using the words of Neil Gaiman.

Found here
Found here

101 Things I Will Teach My Daughters

DEEP

Thought Catalog

1. Chocolate is only a temporary fix.

2. A properly-fitting bra is not a luxury. It is a necessity.

3. Your happiness is your happiness and yours alone.

4. How to apply red lipstick.

5. How to wear the crap out of red lipstick.

6. A boyfriend does not validate your existence.

7. Eat the extra slice of pizza.

8. Wear what makes you feel gracefully at ease.

9. Love the world unconditionally.

10. Seek beauty in all things.

11. Buy your friends dinner when you can.

12. Wear sunscreen like it’s your second job.

13. Try with all your might to keep in contact with far-away friends.

14. Make the world feel at ease around you.

15. Walk with your head up.

16. Order a cheeseburger on the first date if you want to.

17. Never, ever bite your nails.

18. Swipe on some lipstick, put on your leather…

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23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23

So interesting

Wander Onwards

Marriage

As 2013 wraps up, I’ve been noticing more and more people getting engaged and/or married under the age of 23.

I get it.

It’s cold outside… you want to cuddle and talk about your feelings… life after graduation is a tough transition… so why not just cut to the chase and get married, right?  It’s hip. It’s cool. You get to wear clothing that wouldn’t normally be socially acceptable at the dive bar you frequent with the $5 beers.  Eff it. YOLO. YOMO! You only marry once…

Oh wait.

The divorce rate for young couples is more than twice the national average. Divorce is no longer a staple in a midlife crisis, but rather, something that SEVENTEEN Magazine should probably be printing on. Headlines could read,

“How to budget for your prom AND your wedding in the same year!”

“What’s HOT: Kids raising Kids.”

“Why your Mom doesn’t really…

View original post 831 more words

Happy 2014

Hello bloggers!

It has been a while and a lot has been going on but I wanted to take a moment and wish everyone

download (1)

I am curious to know what everyone wishes to accomplish this year. I don’t really have a resolution this year. I think my goal has been to put me first lately so I will put myself first until my “mini me” gets here…

My wish for everyone is that you…positive-quotes-0

Happy New Year!!

‘Everything will be ok. I love you.’ Parenting after Trayvon

Funny that Parker (11 years old) and I (20 something years old) had the same thoughts… I am glad that the upcoming generations are educated and aware. I also thought about moving that night (not to another state but to another country) but let’s face it, racism is everywhere which is why everyone should get involved.

On the topic of love

Sometimes when I am bored or I just want to exercise my mind, I google random stuff. Now, for the past few weeks, I have been reading Paulo Coelho and he talks a lot about love and he got me thinking about it. So I googled “what is love?” Did you know that what is love was the most searched query on Google in 2012? Well, I learned that in the article that I am going to discuss.  I believe that the article published by The Guardian sums things up. It discusses five theories:

From the physicist point of view:

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From Google Images

“Love is chemistry” says Jim Al-Khalili. I found it interesting when he stated that from an evolutionary perspective, love can be viewed as a survival tool. 

From the psychotherapists point of view

Google Images
Google Images

Philippa Perry argues that “Love has many guises”  She talks about Philia, Ludus,Pragma,etc… But obviously, I liked that she mentioned Philautia which is self-love and she mentions that it is not as selfish as it sounds: “As Aristotle discovered and as any psychotherapists will tell you, in order to care for others you need to be able to care about yourself.”

From the Philosopher point of view:

Google images
Google images

Julian Baggini says that “Love is a passionate commitment.” I don’t know about you but I am exhausted just reading that definition, love sounds like a lot of work in philosophy. But I liked the fact that he says that we nurture and develop love.

From a Romantic novelist point of view:

Google Images
Google Images

Jojo Moyes says that “Love drives all great stories” … And I agree…

From a religious point of view:

Google Images
Google Images

Catherine Wybourne, a Benedictine nun states that “love is free but yet binds us.” I think I agree with this much more although there is truth in all other four theories. Catherine Wybourne states that: ” Love’s the one thing that can never hurt anyone, although it may cost dearly.”

My conclusion: 

“Nothing is mysterious, no human relation. Except love.” Susan Sontag

Now since my inspiration was Paulo Coelho, I want to share one of my favorite quotes from him: “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” 

What do you think?

I’ve Got The Joy in My Heart

This is how I feel right now…

Looking For My Burning Bush

Dec 13, 2010 –Sunday

 

I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy
Down in my heart (Where?)
Down in my heart (Where?)
Down in my heart
I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy
Down in my heart (Where?)
Down in my heart to stay
And I’m so happy
So very happy
I’ve got the love of Jesus in my heart (down in my heart)
And I’m so happy
So very happy
I’ve got the love of Jesus in my heart !

 

 

8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” 1 Peter 1:8-9

 

 

 

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